It honestly really REALLY sucks but the truth is nobody can you help you get better but you. You cannot rely on other people for your happiness or live for other people. No matter how many nights you spend out with your friends, trying to fill your time with rebound relationships, that ache will always be there until one day it just isn't. I just keep telling myself that if I revert to old ways, turn to anything or anyone who will help me forget this nightmarish feeling even for a moment, it's not gonna help because I'm still gonna wake up and feel that same numbing emptiness. And ultimately I'll just end up prolonging my convalescence period.
I won't consider myself an expert on relationships or on making good and smart decisions all the time but I try and that's what matters. Haven't had that many relationships either but there are some things I do and try to force myself to remember that usually help me get back on my feet eventually so I decided to make a list to remind myself hahah.
I won't consider myself an expert on relationships or on making good and smart decisions all the time but I try and that's what matters. Haven't had that many relationships either but there are some things I do and try to force myself to remember that usually help me get back on my feet eventually so I decided to make a list to remind myself hahah.
1) Acceptance
Most times its hard to move on when you don't know what to do. Whether you want to move on or try and win that person back. Sometimes the other party makes it especially hard to move on especially when its not a clean break. Most times its best to just accept it as over. Don't give yourself false hope of reconciling your relationship because even if that does happen, it should be a bonus and not the goal.
2) Focus on yourself
You're gonna have a lot of free time now that you don't have your significant other as your constant companion but that might not be a bad thing. Think about all the things you used to do before you met your partner. Do what you love to do and keep yourself distracted in a good way. If you're schooling, focus on getting the best grades you can. If you're working, focus on being there and doing it 110 percent.
3) Learn to enjoy and love your own company
Only when you learn to love yourself can you love somebody else completely. This is the time to relearn how to be alone. Spend this time to reflect on your options, what you can and should do and do it. And please please don't jump into another relationship on the rebound. Only get into another relationship when you're ready and not cause you're lonely.
4) Self improvement
We all know how hard it is to get back up when you feel like you've lost the love of your life but you cannot spend forever pitying yourself for getting your heart broken. Everything happens for a reason but sometimes it's hard to remember that. Take this time to make yourself the best you and focus your energies on that. Take up a language class. Exercise. Do yoga or take up dance. Not only will you become a more positive and strong person, all that exercise and extra life skills you're gonna pick up are gonna make you especially charming and who knows, you might just meet your life partner at one of your new classes.
5) Self Respect
If you don't learn to respect yourself, nobody will respect you. Don't grovel. Don't plead or pester your ex to take you back or guilt trip them because not only will that make you lose all respect for yourself, they will never respect you again. Don't throw yourself into another fling just because you simply don't care about what happens to yourself anymore because that not only hurts you, it hurts your loved ones too. There is nothing more degrading than a woman with no self respect :(
5) Self Respect
If you don't learn to respect yourself, nobody will respect you. Don't grovel. Don't plead or pester your ex to take you back or guilt trip them because not only will that make you lose all respect for yourself, they will never respect you again. Don't throw yourself into another fling just because you simply don't care about what happens to yourself anymore because that not only hurts you, it hurts your loved ones too. There is nothing more degrading than a woman with no self respect :(
6) Know what and who's good for you
Sometimes some people just bring out the worst in you and learning to tell who are these people will be a life skill you're gonna need. Stay away from these people especially people who put you down, tell you that you can't get better or make you feel small, inadequate and defect because nobody needs that kind of spite and negativity in their lives.
7) Stop blaming yourself
Relationships are a two way street and it takes two hands to clap. If you feel like you did indeed screw up and make a lot of drastic mistakes that caused your relationship to fail, reflect on those mistakes and change for the better. With that said though, you need to stop beating yourself up over it because it isn't completely your fault that the relationship ended. It takes two to end things.
8) Spend time with your loved ones
Perhaps you've neglected them because you spent most of your free time with your previous partner but take this opportunity to make up for that lost time. Your family and parents are the ones who are gonna love you unconditionally. Do something nice for them. Cook them dinner. Do your chores so you can take some of that burden off your parents. Meet your friends and do something sweet for them to thank them for being there in this difficult period. Or go out for girls night for some good clean fun.
9) Distance
Try staving off social media sites where you know you'll see your ex's name or photos pop up. I know it's immensely difficult to keep your mind from wandering to what they're doing, who they're with etc. but stalking their FB or Instagram is just gonna become an unhealthy obsession. Give the fresh breakup some time to breathe so you can reflect on what went wrong and what you personally can do. If it's meant to be, it'll work eventually.
10) Live and let live
You cannot blame yourself or the other person forever. Besides, holding on to all that negativity is exhausting. You're not completely broken or defect and someday someone out there is gonna love you for you and accept all your flaws even if you cannot see it right now. There's nothing more tiring than keeping yourself up at night overthinking and hating yourself or the other person. Learn to let go and you'll be a much happier person.
Not saying that this list is perfect but really hoping it helps someone else besides me. Right now I just need to stay positive! Haha ok I'm gonna head out for the Night festival in a bit! But before I go, this is one of my favourite gifs HAHAHAH pugs are just the cutest HAHAHAHA.
xx
Qing
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